At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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