Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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