Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
