i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
