Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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