I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
