No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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