This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
