saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just pee around me
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
