i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
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But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
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I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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