Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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