But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
