I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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