There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
