i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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