It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize