they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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