the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
