If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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