there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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