as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
