i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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