never play flip cup with pint glasses
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
