I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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