I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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