I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
