My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I forget how to act sober
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
