We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
