I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
