what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
