and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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