I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
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Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
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I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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