dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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