just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
