You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
