You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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