What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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