So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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