You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
