I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Boobs are out for the taking
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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