my vag is so smooth its legendary
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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