I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i think my cat just said my name.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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