I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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