Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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