why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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