are you still at the devil's house?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
