Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
