Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
