I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
