i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
