Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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