Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
