I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
