mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Alive.
So much puke
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize