Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize