Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
