Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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