Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
