It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
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