i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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